2 | Rita
February 21, 2008 at 10:15 am

I haven’t finished listening yet, but my mind is overflowing with ideas after this morning’s commute. (which, btw, was a blissfully short 5 minute drive as opposed to the normal take-the-kids-to-the-sitter-and-then-backtrack-to-work drive)

I would give almost anything to reorder my life to be home with my 2 sons (ages 3 and 6) instead of relying on childcare 4.5 days a week. But, I am good at being a librarian, I like it well enough, and we couldn’t live here on my husband’s salary alone. We are not extravagant–a Starbucks latte is a rare treat for me; I don’t belong to a gym or get my nails done. Most days I bring my own lunch. Going out to lunch is quite likely to be meeting my husband at the grocery store down the street and grabbing a bowl of soup while making an quick grocery run without children. I went to awell-known women’s college, which I loved. There, it was assumed that I would take my education and form it into a brilliant, meaningful career because, “our failures only wed.” My parents chimed in, making snide comments about a classmate who “wasted” her education (and all those loans!) by becoming a stay-at-home mom. This is a roundabout introduction to a change in society that I think we got wrong. I consider myself a feminist, but I look at the leaders of the feminist community, the women who worked so hard and so long for equal pay and respect and, while I thank them for their efforts, I think they were wrong to fight so hard to prove that men and women are equal. Ok. That’s nice, but men and women aren’t any more the same than two people of the same gender standing side by side. Instead of pushing women to throw in the apron, I wish that would have fought for *choices*. Women do make choices everyday, to have children or not, to work or stay home, but neither choice is really respected. In six years of motherhood, I’ve realized that there are hard-wired differences in men and women. It’s not a question of equality, it never was. The mere facts of biology even my 3 year old understands–mommies have milkies, daddies don’t. With my oldest, I was determined that a life of gender-neutral toys and positive role models would mold him into a well-rounded boy child. He proved me wrong with his early obsession with anything wheeled. His first five words? Momma, Daddy, Max(cat), more, and….lawnmower. Yep. At 15 months, lawnmower. We spent a summer admiring all the lawnmowers we saw. After that, it was trucks and Thomas the Tank Engine. Oh, and watching Emeril and cooking with Daddy. I never knew the names of all the various construction vehicles until I had sons.

I wholeheartedly believe that the “hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world.” Motherhood is my best and favorite job. I am a very good librarian and a better than average wife, but what I love is being a mother. Society discounts motherhood, much to our detriment. Please don’t think that I’m discounting fathers, because I’m not; it’s just that my own expertise is in motherhood and looking at the ways which Western society belittles the importance of mothering.